Free Fall: an MMF romance (Wilde Boys Book 2) Page 14

  And I’m not the only one looking. As I turn in the water to look for Nash, I catch him staring at Ellis too. After clearly being caught gawking, he swims away toward the rock so he can begin his climb too.

  Nash takes a different route up the rock face, obviously aiming for a higher ledge.

  “Be careful!” I call, seeing him so high up. The water is deep here, and I trust him, but my anxiety kicks up at the thought of him falling.

  “Show off,” Ellis barks at him with a playful scowl.

  Hanging onto the rock, I watch as Nash takes the dive first, and my stomach literally leaps into my throat at the sight of him falling headfirst toward the water. Ellis and I both let out a sigh of relief when his head pops out of the water. Next, Ellis dives in, and they both look at me.

  “Your turn,” Nash says.

  “Me?” Immediately, I think about my mother. She would have my head if she knew I did something so reckless, something that could ruin my career. An injury wouldn’t just ruin my life, it would strip me of my value.

  Fuck that.

  When I swim toward the rock Nash climbed, I hear Ellis call my name, but I ignore him. With each foot of rock I climb my heart beats faster. When my bare foot slips, they both yell my name, but I don’t stop. There’s a scrape on my knee, and I can feel a trickle of blood seeping down my leg. It only motivates me.

  “Come on, Hanna,” Nash yells. “You can really hurt yourself, for fuck’s sake.”

  “Please be careful,” Ellis echoes.

  When I reach the small flat area where I can stand, I turn around and stare down at the huge cliff beneath me. Oh fuck, this is high up.

  “You should see your faces right now,” I yell with a laugh. They are both staring up at me with expressions of terror, and only Ellis cracks a smile. “I’m fine!”

  “Please just jump far away from the rocks,” Nash adds.

  I don’t know why, but standing up here with the sun on my face, I feel exhilarated, and the reminder my mother would never let me do this only excites me more. With my hands in the air, I let out an exhilarated whoop.

  “Just jump, Hanna!”

  “Oh, relax. Let her have a moment,” Ellis scolds him.

  “I’ve never, never done anything like this.”

  When I look back down at the two guys in the water, both of them treading water, gazing up at me and waiting for me to jump, I feel a bolt of something in my chest. It’s something profound, bordering on pain and all I know is I want more. My feelings are getting caught up in this and I don’t want to go back to the life I left behind. But I can’t have both of them, and my heart refuses to lean in one direction more than the other.

  Pushing away the reminder that this feeling has an expiration date, I finally gather the courage to jump. The moment my feet leave the rock, I try to make time stop. Floating feet first toward the water, I leave everything behind.

  After about an hour of swimming in the lagoon, we head to the opposite side of the island where there is a large island bar with a huge patio that reaches out to the water. The three of us sit around a plastic patio table with margaritas and tacos. No one is fighting or talking about what happened last night. No one has tried anything with me, and it feels so comfortable and fun, I hate my heart for loving every second.

  I’m still leaving as soon as we get back to Del Rey.

  During our second round of drinks, Ellis’s phone buzzes on the table, and he excuses himself to take the call. Almost as if he was waiting for him to leave, Nash takes the opportunity with us alone to lean in and reach for my hand.

  “Don’t leave,” he says, and I see the restraint in his expression. He’s trying to be civil when he wants to be abrasive.

  “Nash, I have to. I didn’t come out here to stay forever. I have a life to get back to.”

  “A life you were miserable in. You’re happy out here.” I give him a pointed glare with a head tilt, and he adds, “When I’m not being a complete asshole.”

  “I still need to get back,” I argue.

  “Then come back next weekend.”

  “For what?” I ask, running my thumb over his knuckles before trying to pull my hand away.

  “For me, Hanna.” He snatches my hand before I can hide it in my lap. With every touch, I feel myself crumbling. I’m helpless to him, but I have to keep my head about me. There is no future for the two of us.

  “Nash…”

  He cuts me off, so eager, and almost desperate. “I’m sorry I brushed these feelings aside for the past three years, but I love having you here, Hanna. I love having you with me.”

  “No, this cannot happen. We would be terrible together.”

  Please don’t beg me, Nash. I’m so afraid one little plea and I’ll be useless against my own defenses.

  “No, we wouldn’t. Last night was amazing.”

  I let out a sigh, resting my face in my hands. “Yes, it was, but Nash, we are both too volatile to make it work. Yes, when it’s good, it’s very good. But when it’s bad…”

  “I’ll be better,” he begs. “I’m trying to work on that.”

  My eyes dance around the patio looking for Ellis. He can’t hear this. I don’t know why, but I hate the idea of him hearing us talk about a relationship.

  “Are you looking for him? Is it him? You’re choosing him, aren’t you?”

  I can see the erratic way he’s working himself up, and I put up a hand to stop him. Lowering my voice, I glare at him. “I’m not choosing him, Nash.”

  “Then, why can’t you give me a chance?”

  “Because there’s something going on between the two of you, and I can’t be with either of you until you work it out.”

  His face pales, his eyes widening as he leans back. “Hanna, there’s nothing. I’m not…” He lowers his head, whispering to keep our conversation private even though I’m sure the tables around us can hear every word. “I’m not gay.”

  I scoff. I hate that I do that, but I can’t help it. Nash lives in denial, about himself, about us, about the future. For once, I wish he’d let go of everything he’s holding so tightly, wearing everything like armor. There are brief, beautiful moments when he looks at me and it’s the real Nash, and he’s gorgeous, open, vulnerable and real. But then just like that, he throws up the armor and he’s gone.

  “What exactly did I walk in on the other day then? What happened in Amsterdam?”

  “He told you about that?”

  “No,” I reply, trying to hold back the harshness in my tone. “But I’m not stupid or blind, Nash. And you’re not either because all day long while you were looking at me, he was looking at you.”

  The table falls silent, and I watch the Adam’s apple in his throat bob as he swallows. The cold look of shock on his face is frozen in place as Ellis returns. He can sense the tension immediately, and when Nash turns his eyes toward him, I’m afraid he’s going to make a scene now, but he doesn’t.

  Instead, his gaze shifts to the horizon, and I turn to see what he’s squinting at. Just off in the distance, there is a cluster of dark clouds spreading like ink over the bright blue sky.

  “Looks like a storm rolling in. We better head back now before we get stuck in it.”

  It feels appropriate to how I feel right now, except I’m afraid the storm is here, and we’re already stuck in it.

  17

  We are not beating the storm. Just as Del Rey appears on the horizon, the rain starts. Nash picks up the speed and I sit next to Hanna at the back, holding her tight against my chest trying to cover her as much as possible because strangely enough, the hard torrent of rain hurts against bare skin.

  No one said much after I came back from my call, and I could tell there was an argument or at the very least a heated discussion between the two of them. I’m just grateful I didn’t return to find them full-on brawling on the patio.

  I have a feeling I know what was being said though. If I had to guess, it was Nash trying to convince her to pick him even though
I’m not putting myself in this race. I won’t take Hanna from him. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s best if she just leaves. They are both too hot-headed to make it work, and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable leaving them alone.

  But when I’m there to balance it out, they’re fine.

  With her pressed tight against my chest, I try to enjoy these last few moments of having her close. It’s only been a week, but this girl got under my skin fast. I’ve even found myself imagining her in my life, and not just for short moments or quick fucks. Hanna is easy to be around. Flawless in her beauty, inside and out. She swallows her flaws, keeping them inside, and I want to know each and every one of them.

  But I could never do that to him. So, when she leaves, I won’t contact her. As much as it pains me to do that.

  Somehow, I don’t think he would believe me. He’s been giving me harsh glares ever since we paid the tab at lunch, as if I have a target on my back.

  The rain somehow gets worse as we reach the dock. The wind picks up, and I hear Hanna screaming as we both try to stand to run up the dock.

  “Take her to the hangar!” Nash yells through the tempest. “It’s unlocked.”

  “What about you?” I reply.

  “I have to tie it up. I’ll be fine, just go!”

  Hanna’s scream spurs me into action, scooping her up into my arms as I run up the paved way to the hangar, which is unlocked like he said. Tearing the door open, I carry her through. Setting her down, I check to make sure she’s okay, and we’re both breathing heavy. The heavy clouds keep it pretty dark in here, but she seems fine. A little shaken up from the sudden hit of the storm. These things can come in so fast, it’s unsettling.

  We both move to the door, looking for Nash. He should be coming up shortly after us, and the wind has only gotten worse. But he’s used to this. I know for a fact, he’s been driving and docking boats since he was a little kid. I shouldn’t be worried, but with every moment that passes without him running up the drive, I feel the panic settle into my bones.

  “Where is he?” she cries.

  “I’m going to check on him.” I feel her grab my arm, but I don’t stop. Leaving her in the hangar, I run down the path toward the dock. The rain slaps even harder against my skin as I run, and the feeling of panic suddenly turns into ice cold dread when I reach the dock and he’s nowhere to be found. The boat is tied, but it’s rocking violently from the wind and waves.

  “Nash!” I shout in pure panic.

  My eyes dash to the water, checking for any sign he might have fallen in, but if that were the case, I’d have no way of knowing. The water is dark and moving too fast.

  I yell his name again, terror seizing my chest. Where the fuck is he? He better be okay. I keep repeating it to myself over and over again, scanning the area, but there are only a couple of other boats and jet-skis tied to the dock, and literally nowhere for him to be hiding.

  After two minutes, I feel sick. No, no, no, no.

  Finally, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and see him climbing out of one of the larger boats with a bundle of rope in his hands. He slips as he reaches the dock, barely making it out of the rocking boat without falling in. Rushing over, I grab him by the arm and drag him to shore.

  “What the fuck? You had me scared to death!”

  He’s staring at me as if I punched him in the face.

  “I had to get extra rope,” he yells, the heavy winds drowning out his voice.

  I want to squeeze him, shake him, hit him, anything to make him feel something. Say something, give me literally anything. Burying my fists in his shirt, I yank his body toward mine, sneering in his face with all of the pent up anger and frustration over the last three years.

  “I said I was worried about you,” I seethe.

  “Why do you care, Ellis?” Shoving away, he tries to get out of my grasp, but I don’t let him go.

  “What do you mean, why do I care? I never stopped caring, Nash.”

  “Well, stop! I can’t be what you want.”

  “What do you mean?” I yell, still holding his shirt. It’s not the best place to have this argument, but the words are spilling out of me, and a minute ago I literally thought he could be dead, so I can’t stop them now. “You are exactly what I want, Nash. I never asked you to be anything more than you are.”

  This time he pushes harder, tearing his shirt from my fists. Dropping the rope on the ground, he lays two palms directly into my chest causing me to stumble.

  “I couldn’t live up to him, Ellis. How could I possibly live up to you?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I’m not Alistair. I’m not my father. I will never be my father, never be good enough. And you…Mr. Fucking Perfect. I can’t be your…what? Your boyfriend? Fuck that, Ellis. Fuck that and fuck you. I’d rather be alone.”

  “Rather be alone than be with someone who thinks you are perfect? I don’t understand you.”

  He’s raging, the wild fury in his eyes as he shoves me in the chest again. “Yeah, well I don’t need you to understand me. Just leave me alone.”

  “I can’t. You’re the one who brought me out here! You’re depriving yourself of something good, of real happiness because you can’t bear the thought someone will find your flaws?”

  “Fuck off, Ellis!” I see the clench of his fist, and I’m waiting for him to let it fly. I almost crave it. Hit me. Hurt me. Something.

  “Stop it!” a small voice screams, barely heard over the downpour. Hanna clings to Nash’s arm, tearing him away. “Both of you, stop it! Get inside before you get yourselves killed out here!”

  “Come on, Nash, hit me. Punch me! You know you want to.”

  “Ellis, stop it!” she shrieks.

  It’s not that I’m ignoring her. It’s that her words are not registering past the rage. “Will it make you feel better? Just fucking hit me! Then we can be done with this!”

  “I’m already done,” he grits out through clenched teeth.

  “You guys, please!” She’s clawing at both of us now, but were both too locked in this battle.

  “Bullshit,” I reply with a dark laugh. “Come on, hit me!”

  He’s pulling back his elbow, and I’m ready for it. I’m waiting for the impact. I clench my jaw, and tilt my face, hoping he gets a hit on my cheek and not my jaw. But just as he’s about to swing, Hanna moves in a desperate reflex to stop us. She bolts to his arms, pulling down his face and latching onto his mouth with her own.

  I watch in shock as the hot poker of jealousy stabs me right in the heart, and somewhere in my head, I register the fact that she’s choosing him. Even after I mentally pulled myself out of the race, I must have been holding onto hope, but this pretty clearly stakes a claim. His shoulder relaxes as he melts into her kiss, even in this harsh storm.

  Watching them touch each other, my fight fades. Before I can do anything, she pushes away from his arms and turns to mine. I don’t even know what’s happening until she’s kissing me. It’s a harsh, rough kiss, her nails hard against the back of my neck. It immediately registers that she’s doing this to diffuse the situation and stop us from beating the shit out of each other, but when she’s ripped from my arms and back in Nash’s, I’m hit with a wave of possessiveness, and I clutch her to my body even as he’s kissing her again.

  She lets him kiss her for a moment, but when I string my hand around her throat, she pulls away from him panting and turns toward me.

  What are we doing? We’re going to tear this girl in two, but I can’t stop kissing her.

  Just then, we hear the unmistakable sound of thunder cracking heavy overhead, rattling the island and shocking us out of whatever this is we’re doing. Hanna stares at me with terror, and I feel a sudden flush of shame for keeping her outside in this for so long. She is literally soaked to the bone. We all are.

  “Inside, now.” In a deep command, they both immediately start running up to the hangar like I told them to. Following close
behind, even I can admit my head is spinning right now. This big question of what now hangs in the air between us.

  I am the one they listen to. I’m the one who calls the shots and holds the answer to that question.

  As we rush into the hangar, still dim without light through the windows, I let the door slam behind me as my hand finds the back of Hanna’s neck, pulling her to me as I land a hard kiss on her mouth. I keep the kiss short because I can feel his presence, so I pull her away, pushing her toward him. They don’t hesitate, fusing like they were made to kiss each other. He gathers her in his arms, melding her body to his as he curves himself around her.

  Stepping into the fray and setting the pace, I reach for the hem of her long cover up and pull it over her head. Suddenly, all of the energy we built up outside is poured into this moment. With Hanna’s back against my chest, I kiss her neck, tasting the rain on her skin as she pulls off Nash’s shirt. When she spins and reaches for me, mine comes off next.

  Nash unties her bikini top, and at the first sight of her breasts, cold and covered in goosebumps, I pull one into my mouth, covering her with warm kisses. She lets out a hum that echoes through the silent space. Moving to the other one, I devour every inch of her delicate skin I can. She tastes so good, like ocean and perfume and her.

  “Wait,” she cries in a hoarse gasp. Immediately, I pull back, looking at her face for any sign she wants this to stop. With one hand on my chest and one on his, she moves her hands to our necks at the same time, and I know where this is going. And I admit, thrill skates up my spine.

  This could either go very right or very wrong.

  With a gentle push, her request is clear.

  When our eyes meet, I still see a hint of that seething hatred toward me in his eyes, but it doesn’t make me want to kiss him any less. Fuck, I want a lot more than a kiss.

  But I’m going to wait for his reaction first. Nothing happens for a moment while she waits until he suddenly reaches, grabs my neck and pulls my lips to his mouth.

  At first, it’s an impersonal, rough kiss. Nothing to ease the tension between us, but as I pull him closer, my fingers running along the ridges of his ribcage, remembering the way his body feels, he softens, and I feel him run his tongue along the inside of my mouth.